he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
My cat gives me a boner
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
Randomize
