similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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