I am puke
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
I understand Curling. That high.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
