when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
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