i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Randomize
