last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
Randomize
