how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
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