super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
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