I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
She has the best kind of daddy issues
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
