i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
Please don't give away my fajitas
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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