You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize
