you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
Randomize
