He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
