definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
