his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
