so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
