if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
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