physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Randomize
