Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Randomize
