What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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