Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
