I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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