Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Just puked most of my soul out..
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
