one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
