The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
I will be naked everywhere
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
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