Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
Randomize
