R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
