he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
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