ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
just tell him i said nine months
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Randomize
