I wanna passion pit in your ass
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
