I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
