I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
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