i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Randomize
