God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
