upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize
