dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
im having a threesome with these popsicles
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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