I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
