I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
