i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
porn star boner night. come get it.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Randomize
