All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
Of course I have a pirate flag
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
