every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
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