I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
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