Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
