So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Randomize
