Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
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