I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
