Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
