I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize
