there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Randomize
