Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
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