believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
