Say something about gay babies.
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
Randomize
