apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
Randomize
