He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Randomize
