i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
